First term

So that's first term of uni done and dusted it's crazy how fast it went, it just felt like the other day I was just moving in, uni has actually been soo amazing like I didn't think I would enjoy it as much as I have, so I'm just going to start at the beginning.

I moved into Uni on September 18 feeling soo nervous and anxious to everything, like if I was going to make any friends,if I was going to homesick, who my flatmates where going to be, and stuff like that. So we ended up taking a cab, becuz mum was definitely not driving all the way there. Me being me I had to forget something, and it happened to be the most important thing, Alevel chemistry folder so we had to drive all the way back to get it, lucky we had only been driving for 15mins, so it was cool but we had to pay £10 extra which was annoying.

So once we had got their I had to go and hand in the usual documentation like registration stuff and rubbish like that, I had also collected my keys for my room, the next hour was the longest trek of my life because I had realised that I live on the top floor, and my halls doesn't have a lift to I had to carry 5 bags of luggage all he way to the top floor, well it was only 3 flights of stairs but climbing all those stairs on a relatively mild day was not nice!! But luckily I had my mum to help me. So whilst bringing my luggage up I was able to check out my room and I was actually surprised how nice it was, I thought it would be kinda dodge cos I have always had this perception of uni halls being really disgusting but it was actually really nice, with quite a lot of storage, I did wish my shower was a bit better, but really I shouldn't be complaining becuz I know some people have to share showers with 6+ and I would not be able to deal!!! My OCD is too much for that rubbish! Anyway I had actually met my first housemate by this time and it was actually someone I already knew from back home, she had gone to one of the schools where I had done my As drama. So it was cool having someone i kneww kind of made me a little more relaxed. She's actually going to drop me back home 2moz which is cool, say me money on a cab. 

So once I had eventually got all my stuff to my room we took 30mins to relax and compose ourself, becuz I was out of breath after all that. Then I was told that I had to go to a fire and safety talk thing on campus which meant that my mum had to go, so I went to see her off and made sure she got on the right bus and that was it, I was left on my own to fend for myself, okay, maybe not that deep but yh it was just me now not replying on anyone which I do have to admit kinda made me miss home already lool, I had only been in uni for like a mere 2 hours or so and I was already homesick. I think it was becuz it was just way too quiet in my flat I felt kind of lonely becuz I wasn't really use to being by myself for this amount of time with people I don't really know. 

So moving on to the evening was the icebreaker session which gave us time to get to know our flatmates and other people at my halls, we actually didn't have a full flats yet becuz one of them had moved in earlier in the day and went back home, she literally always goes home at least every two weeks like I don't get the point of it, as uni is the time to be independent and be your own person well some people are different so I can't really judge. Anyway back to the first night it was actually really good like I was able to get to know my flatmates which are really cool, well apart from one who I don't really chat much wit at the moment now she's just really awkward and it's hard to have a proper conversation wit her, it's just like a hi and bye situation, I mean I try my best to talk to her in just not getting anything back. And it's weird becuz the first two week of freshers we were cool like we would both go out together clubbing but now we don't speak and I don't go out clubbing wit her. actually I  don't go out with any of my flatmates their not really the partying type. But I'm not going to stress over her she not the type of person I'll associate my time with she brings everybody mods down. But my other housemate are cool one of them is actually on my course, I also don't really speak much with her but she's nice aswell. My flat is weird like where not the type of flat to have like dinner together and stuff like that we really just keep to ourselves but at the same time I can have like a proper conversation with them well at least 3 of then, oh yh and I forgot one of them is an international student she's actually leaving now, she's finished with her degree so won't be coming back after Christmas, so we probs are going to get a new flatmate I personally hope it's an international student because they usally keep to themselves lol. 

So welcome week just consisted of getting to know who our lectures are and introduction to the course blah blah, nothing really interesting, whilst welcome week was going on we also had freshers for 2 weeks which entailed a whole lot I partying however I do have to admit freshers is realllyyyyy overrated like every night is basically the same just clubbing and to be honest the clubs around my uni are not really good like most of them play constant house music which is sooo annoying, I mean thy have a second room where they the Rnb but the I mean they don't even play that much rnb in it and if they do they will keep playing the same mix of music for every night which is soo annoying! But I did have a couple of good nights and also ended up meeting two of my good friends now at uni, one is on my course and the other lives in the same halls I do. So they are my girls we literally go out everywhere together and are probably going to meet up during he hoilday to PARTTTYYT!!! 

The second week of freshers was when I met my first kind of guy interest well not really, cos it was him who said he liked me and I found this out from his friend. He actually doesn't go to the uni he was just visiting his friend, so he never told me face to face that he liked me, and to be honest I didn't really take notice of him but I was soo flattered when I found out he like me so maybe that's why I kinda liked him in a way at first, becuz he was interested in me, I kinda liked the attention he was giving me. So I told his friend to tell him to add me on fb, and soo he did, so I as you do, I stalked his profile and I already had an inkling that he wasn't really my type but I was still blinded by the fact that someone liked me when to be honest I didn't really fancy him at all, like he was not really my type and this confirmed it when he came bak to visit his friend again on Halloween and I saw him at union and I just knew there was absolutely nothing there, like I felt  no attraction to him what so ever and also  he was such an awkward dancer and I literally can not deal, like one of the things i like in a guy is that they have to be able to dance, if you can't dance then it's a no no mate! Sooo yhhh, I tried to avoid him the whole night but he was literally stuck to my hip which was soo annoying like didn't he get the point, but luckily he doesn't Go to the same uni, like imagine, I would have to avoid him all the time which is just effort, but I do hope he finds  a girl that that he will be into so that him done and dusted. 

So by this time lectures where rolling and the work was piling, I just knew I was falling behind, it was just soo hard becuz the second week of freshers was also going on too, it was hard going through my lecture notes aswell as partying, so I really have to find a balance between going out and doing work, I mean I'm been doing well in my tutorials but I just need to make sure I fit in going through lecture notes and stuff like that. Then it came to my birthday,turning the big 20 which is still so weird to me, like you feel like you'll be a teenager for the rest of your life, it's just at too weird that I have finished my teenage years :( but I'm ready for the 20s cos these are the years when you have to get sh*t going with your life and make things happen and that what I'm gone do. Anyway for my birthday it was actually really good I went out to dinner and ended the night going to union which was really good, good people and good food and fun that's all you need! 

Then we arrived to November 29 when I had my first kiss, so this is what happend so my friends and I decided to go union it it happened to be a night when everyone was going like literally there was only 8 tickets left in the box office, so we knew we were going to have a good night, so obv we run to the rnb room becuz it's the best room ever, do whilst getting our partying on these two guys came (loool I'm actually cringeing typing all of this) up to A (code name for my friend) becuz she already knew one of them becuz it was her exes flatmate their code names are Bryson and orange juice ( weird code names,but there's a reason behind them). so once they introduced themselves to us, I'm mean I never really took notice of them I'm mean If I had to pick orange juice was the better looking one, so then they started dance with A and C leaving just me bymyself which was kinda awks, that's the thing when ur in a three friendship group someone is always left out lool, but it was cool,I let them do what they gotta do u know, I can had hold my own, so I let them off dancing wit their guys and I ended up going off dancing with the second/third years. Soo literally that was them just dancing with them for most of the night and me just dancing with my lonely self loool, then C went off with orange juice for like 10-15mins and this was when union was literally coming to an end so we had to wait for her until she was finished talking to him cos we didn't want to disturb her, u know she could be doing the business, well we asked her after what happened and she said nothing happened they where just talking and he got her number. So union had come to an end and C that was with orange juice had to go back to her halls to take another girl home which left me A and another friend we had invited called D and these two guys Bryson and orange juice. We thought let's go and get something to eat becuz we where hungry , so we went to one of the kebab shops which was near my halls, long behold we weren't the only ones who where hungry after union, their was a massive queue which was kinda unusual becuz it's not as packed as it was like that night. So orange juice said that we should go back to his halls cos he had some jollof rice and fried rice that his mum cooked for him , cause he clearly cannot cook for himself!! 😂

So off we went all the way back to campus to his halls, and it was one of the really really posh halls that are like £6,000 to live in, like his kitchen was massive but his room wasn't really that much different to mine, the only big difference really was that he had a double bed. So he gave us the rice he promised us, and we were literally just talking for the whole night about everything. So at first I kinda was attracted to Bryson cos he seemed really shy and didn't talk as much as orange juice who could flipping talk for the whole of england well Nigeria in his case  becuz that's where he is from and lives (their both international students, Bryson is in third year and orange juice is in first year) then the guys wanted to get alcohol and this was like 7.00 in the morning loool,so we ended up goin to the corner shop D decided to go back home leaving just me and A with the two guys, we got the alcohol and went back to his halls again. Now I could see there's was a bit of attraction already between Bryson and A so that left me with orange juice, now the thing is I thought orange juice kinda like D  ( the one who left to I back to her halls while we got alcohol) becuz it seemed like he was flirting with her quite a lot, or I thought he was also interested in C becuz that was who he was dancing with at union so my intentions was to just play wing woman for A and just sweet talk orange juice while she hooks up with Bryson (btw at this point we had vacated to orange juice's room) soooo why A was  hooking up with Bryson I dunno me and orange juice where kinda flirting but not really then he ended KISSING ME 😱 and that caught me off gaurd becuz I was not expecting it, see I didn't read too much into it becuz I thought he was only kissing me becuz he felt left out, like his friend was my my friend so he probs thought mmmm let me just get with this girl (me being this girl). So let me just say the first wasn't what I had expected like you get these high expect ions that ur first kiss is gonna like amazing like the ones you see in movies and stuff but it was actually not that good so their we where both me and A just hooking up with these two guys looool. And btw I had pretend that I was sick and called sick or work becuz to be honest I didn't really wanna leave early to go to work becuz I was actually having quite a bit of fun so I didn't want to be a partypooper and go home, so I said to work that I had an ear infection lool. Anywayy so it reached about 9:00 in the morning so yess I was up for pretty much 24hours that day becuz I actually had work that day. So A and Bryson ended up leaving me and got a cab while I was still talking to orange juice, he wanted be to stay over a bit longer however I knew what that would entail and I was not stupid I'm not giving up my v card for anyone until I meet the right person, so then we kissed again and it was actually really good, like reaalllly goood looool so maybe becuz it was my first time that's why it was kinda rubbish but this one it was gooooood!!! So he ended getting my number and assumed he probs won't text me ( yes I'm not really optimistic when it comes to guys, I always assume the worse) and then I go off back home to sleep!

So a couple of days later it was the Acs Christmas party which was actually really good, it was a shame thou that the house was kinda small but oh well, and who happened to be there Bryson and orange juice and I do have to admit orange juice was actually looking really good and at this time that's when u reaIized that actually I might have crush on him becuz I was actually getting a bit jelly that he was getting chatty with one of the girls in the party. So I just knew I have developed feeling for this guy!!

And he ended up saying hi to me and C with his cute self and we were talking for about 10-15mins, this made me even more interested In him and it really doesn't help how flipping cute he is, which is annoying becuz I really don't want to have feelings for him becuz he just seems like a player. So the Christmas party had ended and that's when I had to tell A that yes I do have a crush on orange juice, I dunno I think becuz even thou he's really loud he's really funni and I'm attracted to people that can make jokes

So about 2 days later as I was just minding my own business u know just doing a bit  of work, my phone starts pinging and who is it, it's orange juice and I was actually really suprised becuz one I found it soo strange that once I had announced  I liked orange juice to A and talking to him made me start to like him even more, then one day he asked me to come over, now this was at like 2 in the morning so I'm not stupid like asking someone to come over at 2 means he clearly wants something which I was obvs not gonna give it to him, but then he became like really persistent and I kept telling him like naaa I can't be bothered I'm got a lot if work to do (which I actually did, becuz I was doing my lab report thing) but then it ended with me actually going round his lool. So there We were just us to nobody else to come save me from this situation. The thing is I'm soo awkward with these situation with boys like I'm just really shy soo I dunno I was just a bit nervous that the fact it was just is two unlike the other time when at least I had A their. So anyway we were just talking and stuff and watching a couple of shows, so typical one of the shows being on flipping Netflix (soooo cringe) and then obv is currently being on Netflix he decided to kiss me (omg it's soo cringe typing this up) then u know we were doing stuff I never had sex with him know, even thou he wanted to but I really didn't want to, as obvs my v card is still fully activated and too be honest I don't want my first time to be with him I dunno I just don't think his the right person and I want my first time to be with someone that I'm actually Uba relationship with and now thinking back to the situation and how he is acting towards me now I'm soooooooo glad and didn't have sex with him, like soo happy becuz realising now that I don't really have much of a crush on him as I use to like I can't really see myself with him he's more like friends material who just occasiully hook up (but obvs without the sex) soo yhh that was that, I didn't sleep over. So the next time I saw him but I didn't really speak to him at the actul event like we didn't really see much of each other, even though he kept asking me where I was, but the lethal bizzle event was a mad night like literally everyone was going crazy and I mean lethal he's not like a major artist or anything like me had a couple million followers but to be honest in not really into his music I just went for the bants and it was the last event of the term, one thing that really got on my nerves is that the usual rnb room we go to decided to switch it up for the night and also play house music and we were like wtf is this naaa that unfair we can't have two rooms playing the same type of music, it doesn't make sense. So when lethal arrived this is when everything got a bit too much everyone was pushing people where falling on the floor, people lost shoes and socks it was just too crowded, I literally could not breathe, like I couldn't take it anymore, all this just for lethal bizzle like come on, if it was someone like chris brown then yhhh I will get the point I would be acting crazy but for lethal naaa that's not worth it, so we decided (we being just me and A becuz we had lost C in the crowd loool) to just leave the main floor area and go ontop of the balcony which was a much better idea becuz it was less packed and not so claustrophobic and we could see everything a lot more better. So after lethal finished his set the music in the main room actually got a lot more better like their started playing garage music and a little of rnb am which was good, and I this time orange juice was in the same room as I just still we weren't talking, I feel like out relationship is kinda like chuck and Blair's relationship in gossip girl here they try and make each other jealous by flirting with other people but by the end of the day they end up hooking up, and to be honest I actually kind of like that type of relationship it makes it fun. cos to be honest I'm not into have a boyfriend in uni I just wanna have fun!! I don't wanna be tied down to just one person. Buy anyway I ended up talking to one guy, I wasn't really interested in him I just wanted to make orange juice jealous looool and I could see that he was watching me, which was the whole point!! so my plan worked the guy need up taking my number and invite us to his house party he was having after the event but we knew we weren't gonna go becuz we had already planned to go back to orange juices place after the event. Soo then I could see he was talking to some next girl and she was wearing his jacket the same jacket he gave moi, but I guess he was doing exactly what I was doing trynna make me jealous which I mean, I guess It kinda worked becuz a little bit of me was kinda annoyed. So that same girl also ended up coming back to his place aswell with her friend and at first I thought he would be awkward with her there aswell as us being their becuz I thought he wanted to hook up with her but I don't think like was the case, I think their where already friends before he knew me, so I was cool with that, but to be honest I don't think I would have been annoyed if he did hook up with her becuz he's not my boyfriend and I don't want him to be, and I want to be free to talk to other guys aswell, but I an kinda scared that he may actually find someone he really likes and then we can't really be the whole friend with benefits situation I dunno, I just don't wanna loose his friendship. But soo yh we hanged out round his for some time which was fun, then we decided to go coz C had to go home the next day, and actually everybody decided to go at that time, so their we where making our way home, we got dropped off from our other friend who was also heir at the event which was cool so as she was dropping other peeps off, orange starting calling me like mutilple times loool asking me to come back, this is what confused like I said bye to him and everything and it didn't seen at that time he wanted me to stay co she didn't say anything, then he flipping decided to call me like hundred time telling me to come over, like why find' you just say it in the first place!! I dunno maybe he's also shy in showing his feelings infront of people. Soo anyway I told him like naa I not coming all the way back to yours like that's long, and he just asking and asking why, and I was like naa, then one of the guys who was getting dropped off actually had orange juice's campus card which was soo annoying becuz this meant we had to actually go back to his halls to give it bak to him, so I ended up going back to his halls to drop it off and then he like randomly kissed me again and was like come on just stay over and I was like nooo ( I had also started my period that day so I defo couldn't stay over) so I told him I'll come over the next day, in my head I wasn't actually going to go the next day but he didn't have to know that. So he was like okay, then I left. And that was it really as I planned I didn't end up going to his the next day cos I also had to pack coz I was gonna go home the next morning.

 so now I'm at home, it feels soo good to he home, you really take the simple things for granted, like ur mums cooking and stuff, I really need to catch up with my work, I just get distracted sooo easily but I'm gonna make a move on it now . 

 Okay right at the present moment I'm not  speaking to orange juice he is actually getting on my last nerve, I literally cannot be bothered with him anymore like the last time we properly talked was on Sunday (so I had only been home for like 1 day now) and that was when he was like right I'm not talking to you anymore m, which I was confused about becuz I didn't even do anything, he was like why aren't you replying to my text then I was like your such a hypocrite becuz he takes like forever to reply then he started like acting weird and was like bye I'm not talking to you anymore and cut the phone, see I thought he was joking but he was actually being serious and I was there like wtf did he really hang up on me, that was kinda rude,so I texted him saying well I'm not talking either. Now I thought he was just acting up and playing with me, but he was actually being serious becuz we literally haven't spoken in a week. So today I decided let me just text this bit right and be like "I thought you would have given up by now" then he replied like he had no Idea what I was talking about and I just here like what the actual f*ck, like u didn't talk to me becuz u said u weren't and now ur acting like you don't know what happened, so u know what I'm like done with him now, cos he's getting on my nerves acting really stupid he making me feel like I made the situation up or somethin, I just feel really stupid now. This is the thing I just feel like I was made a fool or somethin I dunno I Probs overreacting or somethin, but the fact you like ingnore then pretend like nothing happened is kind of annoying and I just can't be bothered with his nonsense anymore. Like I feel so stupid trying to make an effort and bein the one to say somethin cos after he ingnored me for like a week, but now I literally cannot be bothered and if he tried saying anything then I'm just gonna ingore it cos his really irritating me, it's a shame tho cos I actually wanted to be friends with him, but him acting like this is like is he even worth my time though. So if he trys anything with me I'm just gonna ingnore him and just speak to him when I see him but obvs like friends and nothing more cos he is just not worth if anymore, he can and harass another girl cos in done 

So that was the first term done and dusted, a lot has actually gone on, so bring on next term!!!! 

Uni diaries part 2: Mashup

Last night was my first big night-out at the campus nightclub. I went with one of my flatmates as the rest weren't really up for going to the event as its not really their thing. So my flatmate and I decided that we head off to the other block for pre-drinks, but I didn't really drink until I got to the club, but even when we got to the club I only had one drink which was a vodka and cranberry (which i always get). Once we got to the club it was pretty dead at first but it got packed really quickly, their were 3 different rooms playing different genres of music and obiously i went to the room which were playing R&B music but to be honest the dj was pretty sh*t, he wasn't really playing much R&B music until much later into the night. How is black eyed peas where is the love and r&b song, like nooo!! then you had the biggest room which where playing all the white people music like house and alternative rock and rubbish like that, and there was literally no black person in site.

It was actually a really good first night-out, I got back at like 3 and didn't get to bed until 4 which was annoying as I had to wake up at 8:30 for a welcome talk which was absolutely pointless and a waste of my time, when I could be in bed sleeping.Then I wasted even more time when I could have taken a nap (i guess you can tell that sleeping is very important to me) as I was suppose to head to the chemistry building for a welcome talk for 2pm but my flatmate who is also doing chemistry received an email (which i did not receive) saying she had to be at the building for 12:45 for registration so I thought I should go down at that time aswell just in case I miss anything. And what do I end up doing just waiting or 45mins till it was 2pm because that was when the welcome talk actually started. I COULD HAVE FITTED IN A GOOD HOUR AN HALF NAP! I was soo tired during that welcome talk, I felt like was was gonna drift to sleep at any point during the guys talk, it wasn't even a lecture so how I'm I gonna cope when lectures actually start and i have gone out the night before, I'm gonna be dead. But im defo not going to miss any lectures, i don't see the point that your spending all this money for uni yet your not going to attend lectures. They did give us some useful info, like what books we need for the course, there is one text book that cost £65!!! i don't get why it's so expensive. and I wish they told us the reading list week prior to moving to uni then, that would have meant I would have been able to order the books off Amazon and been able to take it with me to uni, because I have no idea how im going to order, as I don't really know the address of my halls. I might just send it to my house and just pick it up one day I'm free.

Btw im going to start going back to jogging on friday, I defo don't want to add any weight during uni just hav to push myself to wake up early.      

Uni Diaries part 1

So I've offically moved in to uni and currently typing away in my new room. Everyone was kinda right about the awkwardness that comes when meeting new people and adjusting to the knew surroundings.So lets start from the beginning, so me and mum decided to take a cab, as there was no way of fitting my stuff into our car and plus i don't think my mum wants to drive all the way to reading with all my stuff at the back, its kinda long, Anyway off we went, on route to my uni. In the car I was thinking that I had everything , but me being me I forget the most important thing, my chemistry folder with all my A level notes. So we had to go all the way back home , lucky we were only about 15mins away, so it wasn't much of a trek to go back but it did mean that we had to pay a bit extra which was annoying. So once again for the second time off we where to my uni. Once I had arrived I had to get my keys for my room from reception and my mum started to unload the car.

I happened to be on the top floor which was soo long especially because I had to carry all my suitcases up the stairs which had no lift!! At this point I had met my first house mate and she happened to be somebody I already know from back home, which was cool at  least i had one person to talk to. So once I had brought all my stuff to my room, and had a 5min, more like a 20min breather I was told that we had to go to some fire talk which was held on campus. So before that i just walked my mum to the bustop said our goodbyes (were not really ones for getting emotional) and off she went, leaving me in a city I have no clue about.

So i eventually met all my flatmates and they seem pretty cool, and easy to talk to, but the thing is two of them never wanna go out, like we have 2 weeks of freshers yet they don't wanna go to any of the events, which seems kinda pointless, i just don't get it. My other housemate seems up for all the events, so i at least I have one but becuz there is only 4 of us at the moment (because one is a postgrad and an international student, so is not really into the whole fresher thing and the other moved in then went back home after the fire talk, she's coming back on sunday, and im still yet to meet her) so its kind of awkard that half of us want to go out and the other half don't. I just feel if they didn't wanna go out why didn't they just apply to the quiet halls, so that I can have flatmates that wanna have fun. I have literally cried about three times now cos its not going how I want it to go, like I had a good evening yesterday and had such a laugh but its just today that I have had really nothing to do just the canival fair,which wasn't all that. Its just making me miss home a lot more. At the moment im just bored out of my mind. Hopefully it will get better soon because I can't deal with this boredom. I met some people in the other block who literally seem up for anything so I think Im just gonna tag along with them, cos they seem like they know how to have a good time, i want to have the time of my life in these two weeks and for rest of my first year and not be in my room doing nothing.  

So thats how I feel at the moment about uni, hopefully its will start getting better from tomorrow once the events start going and I start meeting new people

The eve I move to Uni

So im offically moving to uni tomorrow/today (because im writing this at like 3:00 in the morning.
Everything is packed and im ready to start my first year, its crazy how fast my gap year has gone, and now its time for me to start my degree. I'm so excited and pumped but yet a bit nervous because I get so awkward when I meet new people, and I know there's going to be the occasional akward silence, and always repeating what you said to different people i.e what course your doing blah blah, but im looking foward to meeting new people and moving out my house for the year.

Only one week to go

So I only got one week to go before i go to Uni, I leave for uni September 18, im excited, and bit nervous but defo more exicted than nevous . Gosh I didn't realise how much stuff I needed to buy before going to uni, literally my room is overfilling with bags and receipts i have no idea if all this stuff is going to fit into the cab. I was able to find a vacancy at a supermaket that is about 1hour away from uni which is a lot better than always travelling back home every weekend for work and it will save me a bit of money. Hopefully i get the job, i have a meeting/interview with the manager of the store on friday so fingers cross i get it, well luck seems to be coming my way today 1st i didn't stall once in my driving lesson for the first time today, which is quite a big achievement for me seeing as i have always been stalling in my past lessons, and secondly I just won my first ever prize in the euromillions, well only 11.70 but its still something, (as my mum said). So hopefully luck is on my side on friday and I hopefully get the job because it would be soo helpful.

Boys update: THERE IS NO UPDATE AT ALL. I'm sticking to my word and giving up on boys till uni, so really only giving them up for a week as im off next week.......well there was this one guy i saw last week who was so hot and had such a nice smile (so i guess im a sucker for a good smile) he was so cute but i doubt i will ever see him again seeing as that was the first time i had seem him and im going to uni now. Moreover im totally over F, lol reading my post before on how upset I was about him with another girl makes me laugh so much, i don't understand why i cared so much,i can do so much better!! he was not worth my time lol

Going to keep this post short, but yh, ready for uni just need to get some last minute things like storage things and stuff but defo excited, bring on freshers week!!!!

Long time no Post

Gosh I haven't written a post in ages, its crazy to think that my gap year is nearly coming to an end and I'm going to start uni in a months time. It just went so quickly, so yes I'm still working at a supermarket trying to do  as much overtime I can do before I go off to uni. The annoying thing is I want to transfer to a supermarket nearer to my uni (I still want to be working during uni so I don't have to worry about being strapped for cash) but the stupid supermarkets are either not getting back to me or they don't have any vacancies. It literally just a waiting game and hopefully something comes up, but for now Im just gonna have to keep travelling up and down for work. See, I could just quit but I know I will regret when it comes to next summer and I won't have any money  to go out and for second year , so yes its gonna be a struggle and I may miss out on some uni events mehh, but to be honest I'd rather be financially stable than being broke all the time and not being able to buy what I want. But all in all I'm glad i took a gap year because to be honest last year i don't think i was mentally ready got to Uni, I wasn't excited like my friends where to start uni mayb because i wasn't sure what i wanted to do after i got my degree, and i kind of didn't want to leave home just yet lol, but now a year later im so excited to start a new chapter in my life, and meet some new people, work hard and PARRTY! it's timE to leave the nest. Now i know that I want to be a cosmetic chemist and hopefully have my own brand of cosmetics/perfumery, so now have something to work towards which is exciting.

Right so a couple of post ago i talked abut the guy in the red scarf and how i was so obsessed with him, but omg i don't even know what i was even thinking at the time, that ship and certainly sailed and it ain't coming back. I'm totally over that crush i just don't find him attractive anymore, I just don't know what i was thinking. But since then their have been a couple of guys I've been speaking to. But theres this one guy that i reaalllly really like, he's gonna go by the name F (just in case anyone finds out about this blog, and i don't want him to know who im talking about, but i made it obvious anyway). He literally has the best smile ever and the best personality ever, he just seems like a cool guy. we have some things in common just as doing a science in uni. And yes i did meet him at work lol. i tend to just have crushs on all my customerS. At first when I first met him, I didn't even see him in that way, and I remember he had come in with some blonde girl, and obviously at that time i didn't care he was with some girl but now if he was to come with a girl, ill be like 'errr who is this chick he's  with' and get super jel. once I started talking to him, he just seemed like an interesting person i defo wanna be his friend if anything but is kinda hard now cos i haven't seen him in ages and were both going off to uni in totally different cities,and he will probably find a girl he like in uni, and i may just find somebody i like in uni aswell. There was this one time when he was like i should message him on Fb but obviously i didn't becuz i didn't want to seem like a beg, dunno why i felt that way i should have just done it, and now its too late, i just get so shy when talking to guys i like. The thing is i don't even want a relationship, i like being single, i just don't think im ready to commit to somebody. I dunno, their just something about him i like, i wish i could talk to him more often, but its always the case that when he comes into my work im never their. Hopefully I'll see him before i go off to uni,i wish i could hangout with him outside work and get to know him a bit better I need to get   more guts to talk to guys.

One thing that put me off him a literally was that he actually hooked up with 2 people I know which is kinda awks,i mean it was a few years ago but still. and we have soo many mutual friends which is weird coz i rather go out with someone who i don't have much mutual friends with. It's a small world isn't it. Even one of my closest friends happen to know him loool and even use to hang out with him, so it's kind of wierd that we haven't meet before, prior to me starting my job.

So you see how i wrote all that stuff above about F ,well August 7 marks the day that he flipping got a girlfriend, like wtf to be honest im actually kind of upset it seem so lame but i actually kind of really really like him, like i like him more than all the guys i've been speaking to and the funny thing is i haven't even spoken to F in a month yet i've got it  so bad for him, and i know he liked me it's just so annoying because I now regret not messaging him on facebook when he told me that I should, I dunno what it is, is just that i get really shy when talking guys especially the ones i really like, like  i have no idea what to say, but man this time i let the wrong guy go, he has now run off and found a new bae and i'm pissed. So this is what happen I was in the office at work trying to put stock into the cupbord then Kam (one of the colleagues comes knocking on the door,literally banging on the door and i thought something happened them she tells me the F just walked into the store with some girl, it  happened to be the same girl that Mon saw last week. See i thought this girl was just a friend,well i was SOOOO WRONG! but anyway i came out because obviously i wanna see him. right, but them what do i see, him being all touchly feely and holding hand and laughing he even grab her butt one time, like really, i didn't think he was the type of person to pda, i literally thought, i can't handle this man i just need to leave the tills coz i had no idea what i would of done if i saw him, it would have been soo awkward especially cos i haven't seem him in a long time, but i wished i just stayed on till and just acted cas and pretended i didn't care when really my heart it literally breaking into pieces, (omg reading all this back makes me sound soo lame gosh i wish i never liked him its all his fault cos i never even liked him in the first place, then he started talking to me, and i got to know him a little and obvious i gonna start catching feeling for this guy,) So anyway i ran off till because i just didn't want to confront him which now im actually regretting cos one i wanted to see this basic B*itch face to face to evalutae if she is even worth me worrying (which she's not, cos she's not even all that anyway) to see who im competing with and 2 i wanted to look F straight in the eye and be like WHAT THE ACTUAL F*CK, LIKE REALLY (but obviously i wouldn't actually say that but gosh i would have if i had the guts and it wasn't at work ).

So once they left the shop they decided "oh lets make me even more jealous and just sit right outside the shop for the next 20mins and do even more PDAing" well it wasn't exactly right outside the shop but i could see what they where doing really clearly, i still don't think he saw me thou, in a way im kind of glad he hasn't saw me yet but I've seen him, cos now im gonna be expecting him with this girl and i will be able to handle the situation a lot better. so this is what i going to do, when he comes into the store with the girl or by himself (he probs will come with the girl, im gonna act to cas, like i don't give two f*ck (when really, i kind of do) i will talk him the same way I use to, and hopefully cos i know he has a girl now im going to eventually stop liking him and just be friendly, cos tbh i only have a month and a bit left and then im off to uni, and there's gonna plenty of guys their which will aid my healing from this stupid crush i have on F, and I will forget about him forever!!!!! But for now im just gonna suck it up and accept the fact that he has moved on and I just need to move on, but one thing that confuses me, why is he gone and got a girlfriend now when he's also going to uni, like whats the point cos he probs is gonna find another girl he likes in uni , so let just say i don't think that relationship is going to last, wait for all i know he is probs just haveing sex with her and the probs are not going out officially, he thinks he's such a player, mate he needs to sit his ass back down becuz he ain't sh*t ,  I ain't that type of girl just to have a causal relationship with a guy, i rather just be friends or have a proper boyfriend and girlfriend relationship (which im not actually ready for, i ain't got time for that, to commit to someone so maybe it better off he is with that girl cos maybe she can give him that). Actually i don't really think i wanted to even go out with him, i just wanted to be like friends with him and talk to him outside work, well i blew that chance didn't I lol cos i was to shy to message. but anyway you live and you learn, and i defo have learnt from this mistake, the next  guy that I really like tells me to text him, i not gonna be shy, im just gonna go out their be confident and just talked to him.

I felt i just needed to write all my feelings down because since i saw him with that girl i literally have not stopped thinking about it my whole shift i was just in deep thought, thinking about him and that chick but know that i have written it down, and i just gonna move on and forget about it, and just focus on myself cos i ain't got time for boys (at this moment ;) ) I've got to many things to think about like preparing for uni and stuff, which im defo excited about, in a way i need to look at the brighter side im glad he gone and found a girl cos now i won't be at uni thinking 'ahh what if ' now i can just live my life without thinking about F. I soo over it now, im going to found my self the hottest bae in uni and F will not even cross my mind im gonna stop stalking his facebook and just leave him be. IT'S DONE! and plus he ain't even got swag lol he wears the same stupid checked shirt all the damn time but anyway i not gonna bring him up anymore, im done with boys for the time being and this month is just about me, having the BEST SUMMER EVER, with my friends and family and living my life to the fullest.

BeLated New Years Resolutions

So it is a new year and  I need new goals to set, I know I have left it a bit late to set some new year resolutions but to be honest it taking me a while to think of goals I need to set for myself this year and goals that  can actually stick to but now I have found two goals for 2015 that I hope to achieve this year

1) Stop caring about what people think of Me

This goal is really important to me because I feel that I'm constantly worrying about what people think about me and always seeking approval from others, and being insecure about how I look, so I really need to stop thinking in this way, I need to be happy in my own skin and need to stop comparing myself to others because not to be cliché and all, but their is only one of me and I should just work with what I got cos B**** I'M FABULOUS, lol but joke aside, I just need to accept that this is me and I'm not going to change for anybody happiness or approval I need to appreciate  all the good qualities I have and stop trying to pick things I don't like about myself. This is why Lena Durham is literally one of my idols because she doesn't give a crap about what people think of her she is not pressured by the media to look a certain way and she is hilarious AF. So I need to keep saying to myself, "stop comparing myself to others and stop caring about what people think and just be happy and enjoy life"

2)Need to Dance MORE!

I don't know what happen but I don't dance as much as I use to, after I lost some weight, for some reason I just stopped dancing, maybe because I was so head strong on losing weight and going jogging all the time that I lost the passion to dance, I use to regularly go to dance classes when I was younger, so I'm going to make it my mission to go and take dance lessons again, I have already started looking using good old youtube to look up dance tutorials but I feel it not really the same as having a dance teacher in the same room, so I've been looking around on the internet to see if there are any classes near my area, I have found some, so I'm gonna try them out, I think im gonna try going with a friend first then once I get comfortable I'll go by myself- actually you know what, I need to practice what I preach so because "I shouldn't care what people think", im gonna go by myself!

-A