Gosh I haven't written a post in ages, its crazy to think that my gap year is nearly coming to an end and I'm going to start uni in a months time. It just went so quickly, so yes I'm still working at a supermarket trying to do as much overtime I can do before I go off to uni. The annoying thing is I want to transfer to a supermarket nearer to my uni (I still want to be working during uni so I don't have to worry about being strapped for cash) but the stupid supermarkets are either not getting back to me or they don't have any vacancies. It literally just a waiting game and hopefully something comes up, but for now Im just gonna have to keep travelling up and down for work. See, I could just quit but I know I will regret when it comes to next summer and I won't have any money to go out and for second year , so yes its gonna be a struggle and I may miss out on some uni events mehh, but to be honest I'd rather be financially stable than being broke all the time and not being able to buy what I want. But all in all I'm glad i took a gap year because to be honest last year i don't think i was mentally ready got to Uni, I wasn't excited like my friends where to start uni mayb because i wasn't sure what i wanted to do after i got my degree, and i kind of didn't want to leave home just yet lol, but now a year later im so excited to start a new chapter in my life, and meet some new people, work hard and PARRTY! it's timE to leave the nest. Now i know that I want to be a cosmetic chemist and hopefully have my own brand of cosmetics/perfumery, so now have something to work towards which is exciting.
Right so a couple of post ago i talked abut the guy in the red scarf and how i was so obsessed with him, but omg i don't even know what i was even thinking at the time, that ship and certainly sailed and it ain't coming back. I'm totally over that crush i just don't find him attractive anymore, I just don't know what i was thinking. But since then their have been a couple of guys I've been speaking to. But theres this one guy that i reaalllly really like, he's gonna go by the name F (just in case anyone finds out about this blog, and i don't want him to know who im talking about, but i made it obvious anyway). He literally has the best smile ever and the best personality ever, he just seems like a cool guy. we have some things in common just as doing a science in uni. And yes i did meet him at work lol. i tend to just have crushs on all my customerS. At first when I first met him, I didn't even see him in that way, and I remember he had come in with some blonde girl, and obviously at that time i didn't care he was with some girl but now if he was to come with a girl, ill be like 'errr who is this chick he's with' and get super jel. once I started talking to him, he just seemed like an interesting person i defo wanna be his friend if anything but is kinda hard now cos i haven't seen him in ages and were both going off to uni in totally different cities,and he will probably find a girl he like in uni, and i may just find somebody i like in uni aswell. There was this one time when he was like i should message him on Fb but obviously i didn't becuz i didn't want to seem like a beg, dunno why i felt that way i should have just done it, and now its too late, i just get so shy when talking to guys i like. The thing is i don't even want a relationship, i like being single, i just don't think im ready to commit to somebody. I dunno, their just something about him i like, i wish i could talk to him more often, but its always the case that when he comes into my work im never their. Hopefully I'll see him before i go off to uni,i wish i could hangout with him outside work and get to know him a bit better I need to get more guts to talk to guys.
One thing that put me off him a literally was that he actually hooked up with 2 people I know which is kinda awks,i mean it was a few years ago but still. and we have soo many mutual friends which is weird coz i rather go out with someone who i don't have much mutual friends with. It's a small world isn't it. Even one of my closest friends happen to know him loool and even use to hang out with him, so it's kind of wierd that we haven't meet before, prior to me starting my job.
So you see how i wrote all that stuff above about F ,well August 7 marks the day that he flipping got a girlfriend, like wtf to be honest im actually kind of upset it seem so lame but i actually kind of really really like him, like i like him more than all the guys i've been speaking to and the funny thing is i haven't even spoken to F in a month yet i've got it so bad for him, and i know he liked me it's just so annoying because I now regret not messaging him on facebook when he told me that I should, I dunno what it is, is just that i get really shy when talking guys especially the ones i really like, like i have no idea what to say, but man this time i let the wrong guy go, he has now run off and found a new bae and i'm pissed. So this is what happen I was in the office at work trying to put stock into the cupbord then Kam (one of the colleagues comes knocking on the door,literally banging on the door and i thought something happened them she tells me the F just walked into the store with some girl, it happened to be the same girl that Mon saw last week. See i thought this girl was just a friend,well i was SOOOO WRONG! but anyway i came out because obviously i wanna see him. right, but them what do i see, him being all touchly feely and holding hand and laughing he even grab her butt one time, like really, i didn't think he was the type of person to pda, i literally thought, i can't handle this man i just need to leave the tills coz i had no idea what i would of done if i saw him, it would have been soo awkward especially cos i haven't seem him in a long time, but i wished i just stayed on till and just acted cas and pretended i didn't care when really my heart it literally breaking into pieces, (omg reading all this back makes me sound soo lame gosh i wish i never liked him its all his fault cos i never even liked him in the first place, then he started talking to me, and i got to know him a little and obvious i gonna start catching feeling for this guy,) So anyway i ran off till because i just didn't want to confront him which now im actually regretting cos one i wanted to see this basic B*itch face to face to evalutae if she is even worth me worrying (which she's not, cos she's not even all that anyway) to see who im competing with and 2 i wanted to look F straight in the eye and be like WHAT THE ACTUAL F*CK, LIKE REALLY (but obviously i wouldn't actually say that but gosh i would have if i had the guts and it wasn't at work ).
So once they left the shop they decided "oh lets make me even more jealous and just sit right outside the shop for the next 20mins and do even more PDAing" well it wasn't exactly right outside the shop but i could see what they where doing really clearly, i still don't think he saw me thou, in a way im kind of glad he hasn't saw me yet but I've seen him, cos now im gonna be expecting him with this girl and i will be able to handle the situation a lot better. so this is what i going to do, when he comes into the store with the girl or by himself (he probs will come with the girl, im gonna act to cas, like i don't give two f*ck (when really, i kind of do) i will talk him the same way I use to, and hopefully cos i know he has a girl now im going to eventually stop liking him and just be friendly, cos tbh i only have a month and a bit left and then im off to uni, and there's gonna plenty of guys their which will aid my healing from this stupid crush i have on F, and I will forget about him forever!!!!! But for now im just gonna suck it up and accept the fact that he has moved on and I just need to move on, but one thing that confuses me, why is he gone and got a girlfriend now when he's also going to uni, like whats the point cos he probs is gonna find another girl he likes in uni , so let just say i don't think that relationship is going to last, wait for all i know he is probs just haveing sex with her and the probs are not going out officially, he thinks he's such a player, mate he needs to sit his ass back down becuz he ain't sh*t , I ain't that type of girl just to have a causal relationship with a guy, i rather just be friends or have a proper boyfriend and girlfriend relationship (which im not actually ready for, i ain't got time for that, to commit to someone so maybe it better off he is with that girl cos maybe she can give him that). Actually i don't really think i wanted to even go out with him, i just wanted to be like friends with him and talk to him outside work, well i blew that chance didn't I lol cos i was to shy to message. but anyway you live and you learn, and i defo have learnt from this mistake, the next guy that I really like tells me to text him, i not gonna be shy, im just gonna go out their be confident and just talked to him.
I felt i just needed to write all my feelings down because since i saw him with that girl i literally have not stopped thinking about it my whole shift i was just in deep thought, thinking about him and that chick but know that i have written it down, and i just gonna move on and forget about it, and just focus on myself cos i ain't got time for boys (at this moment ;) ) I've got to many things to think about like preparing for uni and stuff, which im defo excited about, in a way i need to look at the brighter side im glad he gone and found a girl cos now i won't be at uni thinking 'ahh what if ' now i can just live my life without thinking about F. I soo over it now, im going to found my self the hottest bae in uni and F will not even cross my mind im gonna stop stalking his facebook and just leave him be. IT'S DONE! and plus he ain't even got swag lol he wears the same stupid checked shirt all the damn time but anyway i not gonna bring him up anymore, im done with boys for the time being and this month is just about me, having the BEST SUMMER EVER, with my friends and family and living my life to the fullest.
