Uni diaries part 2: Mashup

Last night was my first big night-out at the campus nightclub. I went with one of my flatmates as the rest weren't really up for going to the event as its not really their thing. So my flatmate and I decided that we head off to the other block for pre-drinks, but I didn't really drink until I got to the club, but even when we got to the club I only had one drink which was a vodka and cranberry (which i always get). Once we got to the club it was pretty dead at first but it got packed really quickly, their were 3 different rooms playing different genres of music and obiously i went to the room which were playing R&B music but to be honest the dj was pretty sh*t, he wasn't really playing much R&B music until much later into the night. How is black eyed peas where is the love and r&b song, like nooo!! then you had the biggest room which where playing all the white people music like house and alternative rock and rubbish like that, and there was literally no black person in site.

It was actually a really good first night-out, I got back at like 3 and didn't get to bed until 4 which was annoying as I had to wake up at 8:30 for a welcome talk which was absolutely pointless and a waste of my time, when I could be in bed sleeping.Then I wasted even more time when I could have taken a nap (i guess you can tell that sleeping is very important to me) as I was suppose to head to the chemistry building for a welcome talk for 2pm but my flatmate who is also doing chemistry received an email (which i did not receive) saying she had to be at the building for 12:45 for registration so I thought I should go down at that time aswell just in case I miss anything. And what do I end up doing just waiting or 45mins till it was 2pm because that was when the welcome talk actually started. I COULD HAVE FITTED IN A GOOD HOUR AN HALF NAP! I was soo tired during that welcome talk, I felt like was was gonna drift to sleep at any point during the guys talk, it wasn't even a lecture so how I'm I gonna cope when lectures actually start and i have gone out the night before, I'm gonna be dead. But im defo not going to miss any lectures, i don't see the point that your spending all this money for uni yet your not going to attend lectures. They did give us some useful info, like what books we need for the course, there is one text book that cost £65!!! i don't get why it's so expensive. and I wish they told us the reading list week prior to moving to uni then, that would have meant I would have been able to order the books off Amazon and been able to take it with me to uni, because I have no idea how im going to order, as I don't really know the address of my halls. I might just send it to my house and just pick it up one day I'm free.

Btw im going to start going back to jogging on friday, I defo don't want to add any weight during uni just hav to push myself to wake up early.      

Uni Diaries part 1

So I've offically moved in to uni and currently typing away in my new room. Everyone was kinda right about the awkwardness that comes when meeting new people and adjusting to the knew surroundings.So lets start from the beginning, so me and mum decided to take a cab, as there was no way of fitting my stuff into our car and plus i don't think my mum wants to drive all the way to reading with all my stuff at the back, its kinda long, Anyway off we went, on route to my uni. In the car I was thinking that I had everything , but me being me I forget the most important thing, my chemistry folder with all my A level notes. So we had to go all the way back home , lucky we were only about 15mins away, so it wasn't much of a trek to go back but it did mean that we had to pay a bit extra which was annoying. So once again for the second time off we where to my uni. Once I had arrived I had to get my keys for my room from reception and my mum started to unload the car.

I happened to be on the top floor which was soo long especially because I had to carry all my suitcases up the stairs which had no lift!! At this point I had met my first house mate and she happened to be somebody I already know from back home, which was cool at  least i had one person to talk to. So once I had brought all my stuff to my room, and had a 5min, more like a 20min breather I was told that we had to go to some fire talk which was held on campus. So before that i just walked my mum to the bustop said our goodbyes (were not really ones for getting emotional) and off she went, leaving me in a city I have no clue about.

So i eventually met all my flatmates and they seem pretty cool, and easy to talk to, but the thing is two of them never wanna go out, like we have 2 weeks of freshers yet they don't wanna go to any of the events, which seems kinda pointless, i just don't get it. My other housemate seems up for all the events, so i at least I have one but becuz there is only 4 of us at the moment (because one is a postgrad and an international student, so is not really into the whole fresher thing and the other moved in then went back home after the fire talk, she's coming back on sunday, and im still yet to meet her) so its kind of awkard that half of us want to go out and the other half don't. I just feel if they didn't wanna go out why didn't they just apply to the quiet halls, so that I can have flatmates that wanna have fun. I have literally cried about three times now cos its not going how I want it to go, like I had a good evening yesterday and had such a laugh but its just today that I have had really nothing to do just the canival fair,which wasn't all that. Its just making me miss home a lot more. At the moment im just bored out of my mind. Hopefully it will get better soon because I can't deal with this boredom. I met some people in the other block who literally seem up for anything so I think Im just gonna tag along with them, cos they seem like they know how to have a good time, i want to have the time of my life in these two weeks and for rest of my first year and not be in my room doing nothing.  

So thats how I feel at the moment about uni, hopefully its will start getting better from tomorrow once the events start going and I start meeting new people

The eve I move to Uni

So im offically moving to uni tomorrow/today (because im writing this at like 3:00 in the morning.
Everything is packed and im ready to start my first year, its crazy how fast my gap year has gone, and now its time for me to start my degree. I'm so excited and pumped but yet a bit nervous because I get so awkward when I meet new people, and I know there's going to be the occasional akward silence, and always repeating what you said to different people i.e what course your doing blah blah, but im looking foward to meeting new people and moving out my house for the year.

Only one week to go

So I only got one week to go before i go to Uni, I leave for uni September 18, im excited, and bit nervous but defo more exicted than nevous . Gosh I didn't realise how much stuff I needed to buy before going to uni, literally my room is overfilling with bags and receipts i have no idea if all this stuff is going to fit into the cab. I was able to find a vacancy at a supermaket that is about 1hour away from uni which is a lot better than always travelling back home every weekend for work and it will save me a bit of money. Hopefully i get the job, i have a meeting/interview with the manager of the store on friday so fingers cross i get it, well luck seems to be coming my way today 1st i didn't stall once in my driving lesson for the first time today, which is quite a big achievement for me seeing as i have always been stalling in my past lessons, and secondly I just won my first ever prize in the euromillions, well only 11.70 but its still something, (as my mum said). So hopefully luck is on my side on friday and I hopefully get the job because it would be soo helpful.

Boys update: THERE IS NO UPDATE AT ALL. I'm sticking to my word and giving up on boys till uni, so really only giving them up for a week as im off next week.......well there was this one guy i saw last week who was so hot and had such a nice smile (so i guess im a sucker for a good smile) he was so cute but i doubt i will ever see him again seeing as that was the first time i had seem him and im going to uni now. Moreover im totally over F, lol reading my post before on how upset I was about him with another girl makes me laugh so much, i don't understand why i cared so much,i can do so much better!! he was not worth my time lol

Going to keep this post short, but yh, ready for uni just need to get some last minute things like storage things and stuff but defo excited, bring on freshers week!!!!

Long time no Post

Gosh I haven't written a post in ages, its crazy to think that my gap year is nearly coming to an end and I'm going to start uni in a months time. It just went so quickly, so yes I'm still working at a supermarket trying to do  as much overtime I can do before I go off to uni. The annoying thing is I want to transfer to a supermarket nearer to my uni (I still want to be working during uni so I don't have to worry about being strapped for cash) but the stupid supermarkets are either not getting back to me or they don't have any vacancies. It literally just a waiting game and hopefully something comes up, but for now Im just gonna have to keep travelling up and down for work. See, I could just quit but I know I will regret when it comes to next summer and I won't have any money  to go out and for second year , so yes its gonna be a struggle and I may miss out on some uni events mehh, but to be honest I'd rather be financially stable than being broke all the time and not being able to buy what I want. But all in all I'm glad i took a gap year because to be honest last year i don't think i was mentally ready got to Uni, I wasn't excited like my friends where to start uni mayb because i wasn't sure what i wanted to do after i got my degree, and i kind of didn't want to leave home just yet lol, but now a year later im so excited to start a new chapter in my life, and meet some new people, work hard and PARRTY! it's timE to leave the nest. Now i know that I want to be a cosmetic chemist and hopefully have my own brand of cosmetics/perfumery, so now have something to work towards which is exciting.

Right so a couple of post ago i talked abut the guy in the red scarf and how i was so obsessed with him, but omg i don't even know what i was even thinking at the time, that ship and certainly sailed and it ain't coming back. I'm totally over that crush i just don't find him attractive anymore, I just don't know what i was thinking. But since then their have been a couple of guys I've been speaking to. But theres this one guy that i reaalllly really like, he's gonna go by the name F (just in case anyone finds out about this blog, and i don't want him to know who im talking about, but i made it obvious anyway). He literally has the best smile ever and the best personality ever, he just seems like a cool guy. we have some things in common just as doing a science in uni. And yes i did meet him at work lol. i tend to just have crushs on all my customerS. At first when I first met him, I didn't even see him in that way, and I remember he had come in with some blonde girl, and obviously at that time i didn't care he was with some girl but now if he was to come with a girl, ill be like 'errr who is this chick he's  with' and get super jel. once I started talking to him, he just seemed like an interesting person i defo wanna be his friend if anything but is kinda hard now cos i haven't seen him in ages and were both going off to uni in totally different cities,and he will probably find a girl he like in uni, and i may just find somebody i like in uni aswell. There was this one time when he was like i should message him on Fb but obviously i didn't becuz i didn't want to seem like a beg, dunno why i felt that way i should have just done it, and now its too late, i just get so shy when talking to guys i like. The thing is i don't even want a relationship, i like being single, i just don't think im ready to commit to somebody. I dunno, their just something about him i like, i wish i could talk to him more often, but its always the case that when he comes into my work im never their. Hopefully I'll see him before i go off to uni,i wish i could hangout with him outside work and get to know him a bit better I need to get   more guts to talk to guys.

One thing that put me off him a literally was that he actually hooked up with 2 people I know which is kinda awks,i mean it was a few years ago but still. and we have soo many mutual friends which is weird coz i rather go out with someone who i don't have much mutual friends with. It's a small world isn't it. Even one of my closest friends happen to know him loool and even use to hang out with him, so it's kind of wierd that we haven't meet before, prior to me starting my job.

So you see how i wrote all that stuff above about F ,well August 7 marks the day that he flipping got a girlfriend, like wtf to be honest im actually kind of upset it seem so lame but i actually kind of really really like him, like i like him more than all the guys i've been speaking to and the funny thing is i haven't even spoken to F in a month yet i've got it  so bad for him, and i know he liked me it's just so annoying because I now regret not messaging him on facebook when he told me that I should, I dunno what it is, is just that i get really shy when talking guys especially the ones i really like, like  i have no idea what to say, but man this time i let the wrong guy go, he has now run off and found a new bae and i'm pissed. So this is what happen I was in the office at work trying to put stock into the cupbord then Kam (one of the colleagues comes knocking on the door,literally banging on the door and i thought something happened them she tells me the F just walked into the store with some girl, it  happened to be the same girl that Mon saw last week. See i thought this girl was just a friend,well i was SOOOO WRONG! but anyway i came out because obviously i wanna see him. right, but them what do i see, him being all touchly feely and holding hand and laughing he even grab her butt one time, like really, i didn't think he was the type of person to pda, i literally thought, i can't handle this man i just need to leave the tills coz i had no idea what i would of done if i saw him, it would have been soo awkward especially cos i haven't seem him in a long time, but i wished i just stayed on till and just acted cas and pretended i didn't care when really my heart it literally breaking into pieces, (omg reading all this back makes me sound soo lame gosh i wish i never liked him its all his fault cos i never even liked him in the first place, then he started talking to me, and i got to know him a little and obvious i gonna start catching feeling for this guy,) So anyway i ran off till because i just didn't want to confront him which now im actually regretting cos one i wanted to see this basic B*itch face to face to evalutae if she is even worth me worrying (which she's not, cos she's not even all that anyway) to see who im competing with and 2 i wanted to look F straight in the eye and be like WHAT THE ACTUAL F*CK, LIKE REALLY (but obviously i wouldn't actually say that but gosh i would have if i had the guts and it wasn't at work ).

So once they left the shop they decided "oh lets make me even more jealous and just sit right outside the shop for the next 20mins and do even more PDAing" well it wasn't exactly right outside the shop but i could see what they where doing really clearly, i still don't think he saw me thou, in a way im kind of glad he hasn't saw me yet but I've seen him, cos now im gonna be expecting him with this girl and i will be able to handle the situation a lot better. so this is what i going to do, when he comes into the store with the girl or by himself (he probs will come with the girl, im gonna act to cas, like i don't give two f*ck (when really, i kind of do) i will talk him the same way I use to, and hopefully cos i know he has a girl now im going to eventually stop liking him and just be friendly, cos tbh i only have a month and a bit left and then im off to uni, and there's gonna plenty of guys their which will aid my healing from this stupid crush i have on F, and I will forget about him forever!!!!! But for now im just gonna suck it up and accept the fact that he has moved on and I just need to move on, but one thing that confuses me, why is he gone and got a girlfriend now when he's also going to uni, like whats the point cos he probs is gonna find another girl he likes in uni , so let just say i don't think that relationship is going to last, wait for all i know he is probs just haveing sex with her and the probs are not going out officially, he thinks he's such a player, mate he needs to sit his ass back down becuz he ain't sh*t ,  I ain't that type of girl just to have a causal relationship with a guy, i rather just be friends or have a proper boyfriend and girlfriend relationship (which im not actually ready for, i ain't got time for that, to commit to someone so maybe it better off he is with that girl cos maybe she can give him that). Actually i don't really think i wanted to even go out with him, i just wanted to be like friends with him and talk to him outside work, well i blew that chance didn't I lol cos i was to shy to message. but anyway you live and you learn, and i defo have learnt from this mistake, the next  guy that I really like tells me to text him, i not gonna be shy, im just gonna go out their be confident and just talked to him.

I felt i just needed to write all my feelings down because since i saw him with that girl i literally have not stopped thinking about it my whole shift i was just in deep thought, thinking about him and that chick but know that i have written it down, and i just gonna move on and forget about it, and just focus on myself cos i ain't got time for boys (at this moment ;) ) I've got to many things to think about like preparing for uni and stuff, which im defo excited about, in a way i need to look at the brighter side im glad he gone and found a girl cos now i won't be at uni thinking 'ahh what if ' now i can just live my life without thinking about F. I soo over it now, im going to found my self the hottest bae in uni and F will not even cross my mind im gonna stop stalking his facebook and just leave him be. IT'S DONE! and plus he ain't even got swag lol he wears the same stupid checked shirt all the damn time but anyway i not gonna bring him up anymore, im done with boys for the time being and this month is just about me, having the BEST SUMMER EVER, with my friends and family and living my life to the fullest.

BeLated New Years Resolutions

So it is a new year and  I need new goals to set, I know I have left it a bit late to set some new year resolutions but to be honest it taking me a while to think of goals I need to set for myself this year and goals that  can actually stick to but now I have found two goals for 2015 that I hope to achieve this year

1) Stop caring about what people think of Me

This goal is really important to me because I feel that I'm constantly worrying about what people think about me and always seeking approval from others, and being insecure about how I look, so I really need to stop thinking in this way, I need to be happy in my own skin and need to stop comparing myself to others because not to be cliché and all, but their is only one of me and I should just work with what I got cos B**** I'M FABULOUS, lol but joke aside, I just need to accept that this is me and I'm not going to change for anybody happiness or approval I need to appreciate  all the good qualities I have and stop trying to pick things I don't like about myself. This is why Lena Durham is literally one of my idols because she doesn't give a crap about what people think of her she is not pressured by the media to look a certain way and she is hilarious AF. So I need to keep saying to myself, "stop comparing myself to others and stop caring about what people think and just be happy and enjoy life"

2)Need to Dance MORE!

I don't know what happen but I don't dance as much as I use to, after I lost some weight, for some reason I just stopped dancing, maybe because I was so head strong on losing weight and going jogging all the time that I lost the passion to dance, I use to regularly go to dance classes when I was younger, so I'm going to make it my mission to go and take dance lessons again, I have already started looking using good old youtube to look up dance tutorials but I feel it not really the same as having a dance teacher in the same room, so I've been looking around on the internet to see if there are any classes near my area, I have found some, so I'm gonna try them out, I think im gonna try going with a friend first then once I get comfortable I'll go by myself- actually you know what, I need to practice what I preach so because "I shouldn't care what people think", im gonna go by myself!

-A

Ask me Anything

So I'm currently in my bed with a cup of sprite beside me watching a movie which is literally documenting my life, the main character Katie is living my shoes. The movie is one of those low budget indie movies which are slowly becoming one of my favourite genre of film.
 Here's a brief outline of the main the character, Katie. She decided last minute to deferr her college place to the next following year (which I did) and everybody but her is hugely against the idea of her taking a year out of school,which is very similar to me, as my mum would have preferred me, going to uni this year rather than next year as she is scared that I will forget everything i have learnt during my 2 years of A level chemistry, but other than that  she wasn't too fussed in me taking a gap year seeing that I had already set myself up with a job that actually pays well, which will help me save up for my uni fees.
Anyway carrying on, Katie decided to keep herself occupied by writing a blog detailing her unpredictable life on the internet . Once again very similar to me, as I thought it might be a good idea that I start a blog just to keep myself busy when I get days off work, and seeing as all my friends are away at uni living the university experience I don't really have anyone to hang out with during the times I am off work,well I do still have one of my close friend  who decided to live at home than halls for uni, but she is also busy catching up with essay assignments and revision so I don't really wanna get her off track with that, plus I thought it would be kinda cool starting a blog, and have it as a little diary documenting my life, and it would be nice 10 years down the line to go back and read everything I had got up to during my gap year and the years ahead.

The most interesting thing about the movie is she took her  gap year to found herself,well that one of her reasons but her main reason really is to see were her relationship with this older guy will go, which of course i will never do I just don't see the point of taking a year out of education for anybody especially for a man who is twice her age and already has a girlfriend which is much closer in age. And  of course her relationship ended up failing which was bound to happen. For me,I wanted to take a gap year as I wasn't really sure what I really want to do with my life and I felt maybe taking a gap year will help me think about the career path I want to take

Katie's infatuation with this much older is kind of similar to the feelings I have for this guy I hardly know because in a previous post, I had said how I have a massive crush of this much older guy who sadly I believe has a girlfriend seeing how close their where when I had seen them. The only difference is between me and Katie is that at least she actually got with her guy and is developing a weird, dysfunctional yet exciting and passionate relationship, which I have yet to even know my guys name before getting involve in a heated relationship with him, which I doubt will ever happen seeing I haven't even seen him for the past 2 weeks, I'm hoping he's just on holiday for Christmas (hopefully not with his girlfriend that is) but I dunno I feel that he may have moved house in another area meaning that i won't see him as much :(

Oh yeah and another thing I don't have in common with Katie is, funnily enough she also has a boyfriend of her own aswell as having  relationship with this much older guy, and still 19 yrs of age I am yet to get a boyfriend, it's kind of sad that I don't thing I have every properly kissed a guy, but then I think maybe this is God's way of telling me that the right guy for me is on the horizon ready to sweep me off my feet, well I tell that to myself to keep me crying into my pillow every night lol, but naa I joke I don't really care about not having a boyfriend to be honest I don't have time to have a boyfriend, i feel having a boyfriend at this point in my life will just be another thing weighing me down, I rather just be single especially for uni because I think I will have a lot more fun if I was single in uni, so that I don't have something else to worry about.