So I'm currently in my gap year working in a supermarket to save up some dollar for uni next year, well I say that and theirs me spending most of my money i earn on clothes and shoes when I shouldn't be, its just so tempting when you have all these online sales and offers constantly popping up, and I know its gonna get worst during the christmas period with all the half price sales and crazy discounts during boxing day sales, but anyway lets not dwell on the fact I have now become an undercover shopaholic and need to get some kind of counselling for my spending habits.
But anyway let me get on with the story, so theirs this guy that literally comes into the store at least 5 times a week, and seeing that I basically live at work I tend to see him all the time, most of the time he comes a few hours before closing time, and yes I do the night-shift becuz I am not a morning person!! He usually buys the same thing at least 2 bottles of beer, sometimes some cigarette papers and avocados , i know, random, and also American Spirit tobacco, when it in stock, that is (usually it isn't). And he tends to come in after finishing work always wearing a long white and red checked scarf hanging across his neck. It was actually my collegue K (not going to right her full name, who happens to be one of the funniest people I have ever met in my life, and seriously going to miss her when I leave for uni becuz we literally have so much fun when we have shifts together, cracking up jokes) who decided to call him red scarf becuz it literally never leaves his neck lol. She also has her own red scarf guy who also goes by another coloured object "blue tie" that she likes, we call him blue tie becuz we only ever see him in a suit and a distinctive blue tie, I know we are so inventive.
But anyway back to red scarf, their is something about him that is really attractive, I dunno its so weird becuz at first, when he use to come in to the store I never really saw him in that way I just saw him as just another regular customer buying is daily essentials (and his essentials is really wierd), but just recently in the last few weeks I literally have a heart attack when ever he comes in, its crazy, literally their was one time I thought I was having some kind of hot flash or something becuz when he reached the checkout, and I just happened to serve him, I was literally sweating like a pig and my hands where trembling like a fish out of water (I hope he didn't notice). I never really thought I would ever feel this kind of way about a guy, and especially a guy who is probs at least 10 years my senior. Sometimes I wished he didn't come in just to avoid any sudden heart attacks that I may endure if I'm in the same room as him.
I wonder if he feels the same about me becuz sometimes I feel he does like me in that way, and then other days I'm like "what the f*** he didn't even say bye to me". He always does this thing where he would look at me straight in the eye and makes you feel like your the only girl in the room and maybe that's why I have developed feeling for him which so annoying becuz at first I didn't even fancy him!!! I really wish I could go back to that time where he was just another regular customer but now I see him in a totally different way. So yes I have a massive crush on somebody who I don't even know the name of. And I know nothing is going to happen between us becuz he is so much older than me and going by today he may even have a girlfriend, but the thing is, I dunno if he is flirting with me or just being nice but I feel that he reacts differently with me compared to the other female collegues at my store which makeS everything so much more confusing becuz that when I think he may like me in that way, or maybe he knows I have a crush on him and is just trying to string me along i dunno im soo confused!!!
But then everything went downhill today, becuz he decided to bring a girl with him into the store which was a first for him becuz most of the time he comes by himself . She definitely looked way older that me and I do have to admit she was pretty aswell not drop dead, but pretty in an innocent kind of way and she is probs more better suited with him than me, but trying to be optimistic, maybe it could have been his sister or long lost cousin he happen to find on the street,but theirs still some doubt that it could be a girl he is dating or his official girlfriend. But yet he still has this way about him that even with him having a potential girlfriend I still can't stop thinking about him WHICH IS SO ANNOYING!! And one thing that is soo annoying yet sooo cute!!!! is he would would always say oh "Thankyou *insert my name* in such a cool and seductive way when all I flipping did is just scan a few items and put them in a bag!! and he will look at me again straight in the eye (and this still even happened today when he had some girl tag along with him today) when saying so, but yet again he doesn't do that to any other colleague which is soo annoying and so confusing becuz for one I haven't even been working in the store for long so really it only makes sense for him to have a more stronger relationship with the other colleagues than me, right?!?, so this is the reason why sometimes I feel there is something more between us than just a friendly customer and shop assistant relationship. And I am the only one who tends to replay situations you have with your crush over and over again in your head, becuz i see myself doing that all the time.
So i offically know how it feels to have a maoosive crush on a guy, that you know you will never ever ever be with. I really hope I will find somebody in uni that will take my mind off this ridiculous crush I have on this guy,
So seeing as he may have a girlfriend now, I am totally going to play it cool and give him no clues at all that i fancy him, I am going to play what they call is "playing hard to get" and lets see if he wants me now loool, he probs won't lol. But seeing as I have a week off work lets just see if he will miss me when i not there and see what he says when i get back.
So to end it here with a little side note, Having massive crushs on people can seriously be so draining and annoying yet it still gives you come kind of hope that in some lifetime or another I will have the chance to get with him well until I find myself another guy to crush on, I'm sure their will be plenty of those ahead of me but ill get back to you when that actually happens.
-A
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